The offbeat, heartfelt, surprisingly profound affirmations you need to keep your feet on the ground and your head attached—no matter what the world throws at you.

I Am Counting My Days (but Just for Fun) is a collection of 200 quirky mantras for whatever you need help with today—some of the weirdest and most wonderful nuggets of positivity and wisdom you’ve never read. Examples include:

• I have legs to stand on and pots to piss in
• I can have any mind I set my mind to
• I can't stop staring at the bright side
• I'm not putting things off, I'm putting things on

As self-proclaimed podunk princess LoRae Blackmore (a.k.a. Lana Del Redneck) explains: "I'm affirming the shit out of stuff. I’m transcending, manifesting, all that. ... I belong on Earth. ... I am good. My hope is that this book will remind you that you’re good too."