This reading group guide for See: Loss. See Also: Love. includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.

Introduction

After Kyoko finds herself suddenly and unexpectedly widowed, she decides to raise her son, Alex, in San Francisco, close to the Jewish side of the family, rather than return to Japan. With the help of her well-meaning yet occasionally claustrophobic Jewish mother-in-law and other family members, Kyoko navigates the realities and opportunities that come with being a single mother in America. All the while, Alex grows into a self-assured young man before her eyes.

Through moments both dramatic and quiet, Kyoko uncovers how much more there is to herself in facing the complete disruption of the life she thought she was going to live. See: Loss. See Also: Love. is an astonishing and intimate exploration of human resilience in the aftermath of grief.

Topics & Questions for Discussion

1. What is your initial understanding of the title of the novel? Discuss the title in conjunction with the first chapter of the novel. How does this chapter contextualize or deepen your impressions?

2. Analyze the interaction between Bubbe and Kyoko in “My Jewish Genie,” where Bubbe describes their bond as a “tight sisterhood.” Kyoko responds to this notion by saying, “We aren’t sisters. We are in-laws, forced to bond by loss, not by choice.” Why do you think Kyoko reacts this way? Discuss other moments where Kyoko reacts similarly to Bubbe’s intimate sentiments.

3. In response to Levi’s death, Kyoko expresses anger and resentment to the point of violence, wishing to even “dig him up from his grave and stab his heart” (page 48). Talk about the source and meaning behind Kyoko’s rage and put yourself in her shoes.

4. Though it’s clear Kyoko loves Alex more than anything, we learn that her initial response to being pregnant was to have an abortion. Even after deciding to continue her pregnancy, she was plagued with thoughts of ending it violently, “before [the baby] was ever exposed to the hardships of life and a mother who did not love him” (page 59). Discuss Kyoko’s complex reaction and how this informs your understanding of her.

5. During one of the rare fights we see between Kyoko and Alex, Kyoko tells him, “I will quit being your mother” (page 71). Consider the demands of motherhood and Kyoko’s extenuating circumstances. What has pushed Kyoko to this breaking point?

6. In “The Free Range,” Alex realizes that American students do not attend school in the summer like Japanese students and begins to slack off in his Japanese schooling. Though Kyoko wants to keep Alex in touch with his Japanese heritage, she is at a loss for what to do, as everyone seems to have a different opinion on the matter. Is there anyone you agree with most over this issue? How else does Kyoko navigate the various clashes between American and Japanese culture?

7. In “Why Do We Need Men When We Have Each Other,” Kyoko thinks, “I really, really, really, really, really didn’t miss Levi. The greatest gift he gave me was the opportunity to raise Alex alone” (page 105). What do you make of this sentiment? Why might Kyoko feel this way?

8. During their heart-to-heart in “Never Ever War,” Kyoko’s brother-in-law, Ben—Levi’s brother—diagnoses Kyoko with survivor’s guilt. Would you say this is an accurate assessment? What does Kyoko take away from this interaction?

9. Kyoko’s financial situation requires her to be frugal which she takes to an extreme, saying, “The government gives me money to take care of Alex,” implying that it’s not her money. Bubbe challenges her on this, noting, “Without a happy mother, there will be no happy kid” (page 144). What do you think of Kyoko’s self-sacrificial nature? Whose philosophy resonates more with you? How much of this difference is cultural and how much is personal?

10. The chapter “A Parent’s Blessing” is a draft of Kyoko’s speech for Alex’s Bar Mitzvah. What context does this speech provide for the events of the novel? Think about the meaning and inspiration behind Kyoko’s words to Alex.

11. Towards the end of the novel, Kyoko decides to write about Levi’s death, noting: “It was real. It happened to me. But soon, this would all be disguised as fiction and weaved into a bigger story. Joy, sorrow, laughter, tears, they would survive in bits and pieces to bedeck my story” (page 216). Discuss the process of fictionalizing one’s lived experience. What is Kyoko trying to achieve by putting her experiences into a fictional account?

12. Throughout the novel, Kyoko often experiences seemingly opposed feelings all at once: anger and love, despair and relief, intimacy and distance, and so forth. In the final pages of the novel, Kyoko returns to her diary entry from the day she learned Levi died. She writes about, “being released from the shackles of happiness and regaining [her] freedom,” yet another complicated emotional experience. Reflect on the enormous range of Kyoko’s emotions and discuss what you make of them.

Enhance Your Book Club

1. Read another novel that follows the challenges of cultural, legal, and economic challenges of immigration, like Brooklyn by Colm Tóibín or Behold the Dreamers by Imbolo Mbue. How do these stories, across time periods and countries of origin, speak to each other?

2. Consider the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Which of these did you observe in See: Loss. See Also: Love.? Alternatively, how does the book challenge or take a different direction from this framework? Find some moments in the text and discuss with the group.

3. The book is divided into four sections of vignettes: haretsu (rupture), uzu (vortex), kaimen (interface), and souhatsu (emergence). Think either of your entire life or a particularly turbulent part of your life—what words would you use to categorize your experiences?